Wednesday, March 28, 2007


Some people are like the friend you never had, Stacie Ponder is like the video store owner I never had. If my small hometown video store had been run by Stacie (instead of a former Mexican gang member who kept a .44 Magnum at the ready), my early movie intake may have included such forgotten horror classics as The Convent or Gnaw: Food of the Gods 2 (this also assumes that Stacie could successfully run a video store). Stacie's Final Girl is the most fun you can have on a horror blog, and the fun continues in the new Final Girl Forum! How cool is Stacie? So cool that reigning Cool Queen Kim Morgan recently called her 'the only living human I would ever marry if she would just have me' (I endorse this potential marriage not only for the Super Blog that would result, but also the obviously cinema-centric gift registry that would precede it). Stacie is a lover of horror, but not a 'fan girl' of it -- she knows bullshit when she sees it, and for your protection does not hold back (here's one lineup of offenders). Ms. Ponder also lends her talents to comics (which she inks by day) -- check out Stick-o-Vision and the bloody epic They Won't Stay Dead!

'It's probably a losing battle to go up against someone who's got their feet planted firmly on [not being scared by movies]. It's so subjective; some people are afraid of zombies, some people are afraid of spiders, some people are afraid of MGM musicals. I'd list a few movies that I find scary to find out if they've seen them to get a handle on their reactions and tastes. Then I'd have them watch a variety of horror films, from all different subgenres: The Haunting ('63), The Ring, The Exorcist, Texas Chainsaw Massacre ('74), The Blair Witch Project, Halloween, The Descent...and if they still insisited that nothing scared them, I'd have to give up. Oh, and then I'd probably push them down.'

WHOOPIE IN HER HEART: 'I've got a little harem of favorites, each serving a different need- The Haunting ('63) (when I want something subtle and scary), The Descent (when I want something bloody and scary), The Shining (when I want something pretty and scary) Airplane! (when I just want to turn off my brain), Harold and Maude (when I want to remember that life is good), Jumpin' Jack Flash (when I want to humiliate myself)...perhaps I've said too much.'

WE HAD CYBER-SEASONS IN THE CYBER-SUN: 'I love talking about movies, even if someone has an opinion that differs from mine. In fact, that's why I started Final Girl in the first place- to have a little place to talk about my most favoritest kinds of movies, horror movies. Now I get to expound to my heart's content on The Internet and people chime in with their comments and we cyber-converse and we hold cyber-hands and it's rad.'

PASS THE HOLY WATER: 'I think seeing The Exorcist during its initial run would've been amazing...if the legends are to be believed, audience members were passing out, throwing up, fleeing the was like armageddon. Linda Blair's wacky, Satanesque antics must have taken everyone by surprise- I know it shocked me the first time I saw it and it STILL scares me more than just about any other movie. Audiences today might be too jaded to react to anything quite like that again, and I think that sucks.'

THIS IS THE DAY: 'Just about every day I throw something on, even if it's for background noise while I'm working (I'm a comic book artist, which means long hours behind a desk). There are specific times of the year when I do a review-a-day (such as SHOCKtober, baby), which means I HAVE to watch a movie every day. That can get tiresome, especially when the movies are lousy.'

EVERYTHING IS ILLUMINATED: 'I went in to see the Dawn of the Dead remake fully prepared to hate it- I had my middle finger all primed and ready to stick up at the screen, even- but then...something magical happened! The movie was...good. I liked it. I liked it alot. Suddenly, all my expectations about EVERYTHING were thrown completely out the window. When I left the theatre, the world was in complete chaos- up was down, down was up...dogs and cats were getting long last, there was a peaceful resolution to The Cola Wars...'

HAROLD AND MAUDE: 'I adore that movie in a hundred ways.'

CAREER OPPORTUNITIES: 'When I saw Silence of the Lambs I wanted to join the FBI. When I saw The Thing I wanted to learn not only how to fly a helicopter, but also how to pull off wearing the most ludicrous hat possible. Ava Gardner's performance in Earthquake made me want to become a shrewy boozer in flowy fabric, and let's just say I'm still considering becoming a Jedi.'

GET BIT: 'Shark Attack 3: Megalodon is THE greatest bad movie in the history of ever. It's really an awful movie in virtually every respect, but it's also a SUCH joy to watch that it's become one of my favorite movies, period. The effects must simply be seen to be believed there's green screens and stock footage galore. I was literally on the floor at times, howling with laughter. The longer it goes on, the better it gets. I want to buy everybody in the whole world a copy; I want to introduce as many people to it as I possibly can; I want to make out with Shark Attack 3.'

Contact DVD Panache if you are interested in contributing to Friday Screen Test.


PIPER said...


All I can say is fucking well done. This is a great idea that has really come to life. I am continually impressed with the bloggers I see out there and it's a great way for newbies such as myself to see what's going on.


Tuwa said...

The Ring didn't scare me at all, except for that one exceptionally creepy moment with the TV. You know the one. And I haven't seen The Descent yet, but I'd have to agree that those are some fine scares otherwise.

The Shining is the only film I can think of that scares me more each time I see it. I couldn't say why, really, given that I know exactly what will happen.

Adam Ross said...

I just saw The Descent and was really creeped out by it, it's one of those movies that makes you say "Okay, I'm never leaving the sidewalk again."

Piper, you're telling ME well done? You're the one who got into the Grindhouse premiere in Austin!