Wednesday, April 30, 2008

WORST MONTH EVER: The ExtenZe Experience


There are certainly worse infomercials out there, but one that holds a special place in my heart is the one for ExtenZe, a male enhancement product. If you don't know what that means, the infomercial is helpful enough to say that it enhances "a certain part of the male body." And if you still don't know what that means, the infomercial is helpful enough to say that it's "you know, male enhancement?" ExtenZe likes to be subtle, it's obviously a very classy company. It's these subtleties where the true art of the ExtenZe infomercial lies. ExtenZe's premise is to sell you that you're watching a talk show called "Sex Talk" (sounds real, right?), which tonight is on the topic of 60% of American women dissatisfied with their partner's size (no source needed, it's scientific!).

Wow, that's a lot of hair. And a lot of belt.

Not only do the talk show hosts focus on captivating subjects, but they can also barely speak ("those man on the street interviews were ... great"). But don't just take their word on ExtenZe, let's follow Big Belt out on the street!
Excuse me, could you stand next to this 59-year-old man and pretend you're his girlfriend? $30?

On the street, Big Belt interviews some random couples, and much to our amazement not only do the men she talks to know about ExtenZe, but they're using it. And not only are they using it, but it really, REALLY works. One man goes so far as to say ExtenZe has made him "a heck of a lot bigger." Not even a Jiffy Pop would make me use that adjective, so this must be some kind of improvement.
This woman is a little too eager to explain how well ExtenZe has been working.

After the street interviews, we're treated to a tender dinner table scene between a wife and a husband who just opened his free sample of ExtenZe. She's not familiar with male enhancement, but when her husband says "you know, male enhancement?" she quickly catches on. The wife replies "wow, just how much enhancing does ExtenZe do?" with the firmness of a mother catching a child setting a cat ablaze.
"Are we talking David Cronenberg territory here? And I don't mean 'eXistenZ', I mean will your penis become like a talking typewriter or some kind of fleshy gun that shoots cancer?"

If you're still not convinced about how ExtenZe can turn your life around, consider the final segment where three "brave" women have volunteered to answer humiliatingly mundane questions about sex.
Why are there all these ashtrays stacked on the table?

Because their past partners didn't measure up, these women may never love again. One even came equipped with a poorly devised analogy: "It's like waiting your whole life to see your team go to the series, and then they ... drop the ball!" One way to read this line is that her partner had to have one of his testicles removed after having sex with her hundreds and hundreds of times over the course of her life.

What makes the ExtenZe commercials even better is how many angry customers the company has. Checking out Infomercial Scams, ExtenZe seems to follow the business practice of stealing money once a person gives them their credit card number. Here's a good example of the numerous complaints:
I ordered this product with the intent of simply trying the 7 day sample and some Indian woman talked to into buying some porn dvds and a travel service. I received the product and after the 7 days tried to cancel but with no luck. I called several times and they kept saying they were going to call me back at 11 am which they never did. I asked to speak to a supervisor and when on the phone with him he said he has no information on my account and does not know any other numbers I can contact. I then looked at my bank statement and saw that I got charged 49.41 and 1.49 by the company and the 7 days isnt even up! I contacted my bank and they say that they are filing a claim and will refund my money. I am going to pursue legal actions next on this faulty business because they literally steal your money without you knowing. The 7 days is a scam and is false advertisement.
There's almost 50 complaints just like that on the site. If they're able to charge so many credit cards through the free sample offer, it's no wonder the infomercial is playing round the clock late at night!

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Thanks for celebrating the worst with me all through April. Worst Month Ever was my first stab at a big theme event, and I appreciate all the readers who helped make it a success.

54 comments:

Moviezzz said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Adam Ross said...

Apparently they've been airing for years but I've only seen them in the last couple months (2 a.m. bottle feedings expose you to a lot of infomercials). There's a few of them on YouTube.

The Magic Bullet infomercial (tiny food processor) has sucked me in multiple times.

J.D. said...

The best one I ever came across was this one:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hnwnicix-mc

Note the thick Boston accent and the overly enthusiastic "performance" of the one guy. Priceless.

JOSEPH CAMPANELLA said...

The station I work at plays these infomercials at 3AM. I have to sit there and watch them to make sure it plays out alright.

Every time its over I shed a tear for humanity...

Paul C. said...

You say this is a recent informercial? Judging by the stills I would've pegged it as being from 1989.

And now you say that the Worst Movie Ever is over? Bummer- I was hoping there would still be more columns to come in the series. Boy, April really does suck!

Stacie Ponder said...

I wish EVERY month was the worst month ever!

I've never seen this infomercial, but I laughed through their radio "program" once. Ugh.

I'm a total sucker for any infomercial from Time-Life Music. "Sounds of the '70s"? Bring it on! "Singers and Songwriters"? Yes, please! I can't help it- even when they start to loop I soldier on, watching until the bitter end.

Adam Ross said...

J.D. - Wow, I hope that Boston guy gets a share of Bruce's sales, he makes a convincing case!

Paul -- Exactly! But look at the wide screen tv on their "set," sadly it's only a few years old at worst. Glad you enjoyed Worst Month Ever, next year is going to be even worse.

Stacie -- as soon as I read "Singers and Songwriters" in your comment I started singing "Big Bad Leroy Brown."

Burbanked said...

Suggested caption for the picture of the blonde woman:

"HOLY GOD IN HEAVEN WHY DOES IT LOOK LIKE THAT?! AAAAAHHHHHHH!"

Evan Waters said...

I'm actually thinking whoever owns the US rights to eXistenZ should sue these guys for trademark infringement.

Anonymous said...

Yeah I agree, however does the actual product work is what everyone wants to know .. I found a site http://www.extenzetruth.com that actually doesnt require you to get on an automated billing process .. now just wonder if the pills are legit or not!

vig RX penis enlargement pills said...

I is a pretty cheesy infomercial, but hey sex sells and they are selling sex and who to do it better than that hot chick.

Anonymous said...

I work for the Aussie owned network that puts this crap on the air. Let me say this. At work, I have to watch this crap 100 times a night...trust me, eating a revolver seems about right these days.

Anonymous said...

I bet there's no way that stuff works the way this commercial says it does. I found the site where they say how extenze works, but I just don't know. Sounds too good to be true.

If it did work, it would be the best selling product in the history of human existence, would it not?

Anonymous said...

I think the real problem with Extenze is that they make you autobill and scam people out of money. If you are interested in actually trying the product itself just for a one month and not get autobilled or whatever, I found this Extenze website that will sell you without being autobilled without your consent... just thought I would help.

Arbogast said...

Three quarters erect!

Anonymous said...

The 59-year old horn dog gets around...in the new infomercial he's with a new woman. He's also a rep. on the LifeAlert commercial. Maybe he and the woman who screams "BINGO!" (and she's in the Snuggie commercial, too) should hook up and put extenZe to the test! hahahaha

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DannyBlanco said...

the best part of this is the guy pictured in the blue collared shirt on the right next to a chick is the same exact guy in another more recent extenze commercial with a "wife". I'm guessing this guy didn't just go out and find a wife that quick using extenze so this shits definitely a fraudulent company. thank god i don't need "male enhancement" lol too damn funny

Anonymous said...

i think that if there were no cheesey late night infomercials there would never again be anymore murders and rapes.

Herry said...

I will read from time to time for that. You can get new info about ExtenZe

Anonymous said...

Their internet presence is massive, and it seems done by many "shell corporations" which can make extravagant claims without too much fear of liability.

Try Wikipedia. It's just DHEA and zinc.

willingtotry said...

I love the idea of being larger. Man, I would like to be 6'8" and about 300 lbs. so I could be an NFL linebacker, or maybe play NBA. I think I'll give this product a try.

Women ExtenZe said...

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That's why Women Extenze is the hottest selling female sexual enhancement product sold anywhere!

Anonymous said...

hm, extenze makes a man bigger?... the world may never really know the truth, but one thing that DOES work, let the woman get surgery and sew up half her hole:) that always works:)

Colon Cleanse said...

I work for the Aussie owned network that puts this crap on the air. Let me say this. At work, I have to watch this crap 100 times a night...trust me, eating a revolver seems about right these days.
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Blockbuster said...

Thanks for the information i do watch a lot of infomercials...
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Business Card Maker Online said...

Is it legit or not? Anyway, nice post.

Master Barney Fairholmes said...

thanks for the article, blogger.i just want to say a feel words.With all sincerity, I bought and used extenze and it work for me. it just okay! i bought mine cos i don't like free things, or trial. So i recommended it to other too to give it a trial. Dr. Barney
http://extenzemale.blogspot.com/

extenze said...

LOL the commercial looks hilarious, it should be getting millions of hits on Youtube! One of the posters is right though, the advert looks like it was shot in the 80's, and it's hard to believe that it's still being played on TV.

extenze said...

aw man, my eyes are bleeding after watching that video ROFL

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I have seen many infomercials but not those you've posted. Thanks mate! Very informative videos.

enhancement said...

The lady in the blue dress and big belt is so sexy. She really looks "she-needs-more-loving".

Extenze Pills said...

I wish EVERY month was the worst month ever!

I've never seen this infomercial, but I laughed through their radio "program" once. Ugh.
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Extenze said...

I'm actually thinking whoever owns the US rights to eXistenZ should sue these guys for trademark infringement.

Extenze said...

The answer for us, has been to cut costs elsewhere. No extra trips out, no visiting family in another state, no useless spending.

extenze said...

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Extenze said...

That is definitely the worst male enhancement infomercial ever! lol I mean, they could have something better than that! lol

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