WORST MONTH EVER: Bad Scenes from Good Movies

Not even the best movies can bat 1.000, and I'm here to tell you about a few cringe-worthy scenes in some of my favorites:

Ghostbusters -- Ray's dream

My favorite part of Ghostbusters has always been the montage following their encounter with Slimer -- seeing them as guests on Larry King, across the magazine covers (the illustrated Atlantic cover is brilliant) and going from job to job. And yet, such a strong sequence ends with a thud, as we see a ghost apparently enter Ray's dream and give him some ecto-lovin. I can live with this scene's concept, but it plays out all wrong and ends up feeling like a deleted scene. As a dream there are endless possibilities, but what we're given is neither funny, scary or creative at all. Is Ray supposed to be Napoleon? Why not a ghost nightmare with some dark humor, or some Zool foreshadowing? Even worse, Dan Akyroyd's acting is terrible (as it is for most of the movie, unfortunately -- see his memorized line delivery in the scene after their firing from the university), his reaction to the ghost's friendly gesture is more 10-year-old virgin than "cool, a slutty ghost!"

The Dirty Dozen -- Divisional maneuvers

Until I read Steve Carlson's recent review of this movie, I was afraid I was the only one who didn't get this scene. Steve's right: director Robert Aldrich does too little with this sequence, which should be one of the movie's best moments. The Dozen are ordered to prove themselves in a vast war games operation, and Major Reisman (Lee Marvin) backs his men by saying not only will they exceed, but his unit will win the operation outright. We immediately see that the bastards' plan is to play both sides, carrying red and blue arm bands to apparently sneak into enemy territory undetected. It's a needlessly complicated sequence, and Aldrich leads you to believe that something amazingly clever is about to happen. Their eventual triumph is somewhat inventive, but far from impressive since it appears' the enemy HQ is defended by three or four soldiers and a single jeep. If they already were outnumbering the enemy, why not just bull rush them? Much more could have been done here, especially since there is almost no action or stunts.

Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring -- Galadriel goes gonzo

Maybe the strangest scene of Peter Jackson's Lord of the Rings trilogy. While the rest of the saga looks like a billion bucks, for a few seconds it becomes a Ronnie James Dio video. Staying in Lothlorien, Frodo has a key encounter with the Elfen queen Galadriel (Cate Blanchett), who offers him a glimpse at the future. Shaken by what he has seen, Frodo unexpectedly has to protect the ring from Galadriel, who nearly gives in to temptation. For a moment Galadriel falls prey to the ring's evil, and that's where the wheels start to fall off: to show how evil Galadriel has become, the frame rate is slowed down, her voice sounds like something from Mighty Morphin Power Rangers and she glows with the quality of PhotoShop. Surely there was a better way to do this without looking like a junior college production of Holy Diver.

The Treasure of the Sierra Madre -- Howard's end

This scene isn't necessarily bad, it's just the lowest point in a fantastic movie. After parting ways with his gold mining partners, Howard (Walter Huston) finds himself in a Mexican Valhalla, where he is worshiped by all and even has healing powers. Sure it's nice to give the old guy a good send off, but I agree with Roger Ebert when he says these scenes "belong in a lesser movie." I'm not sure what a more appropriate cota for Howard would be, but almost anything would have been more realistic than what we have.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom -- Dr. Grabass

I know, I know -- Temple of Doom shouldn't be listed here, as these are good movies, right? But as a lifelong defender of Temple, I have to point out the scene that makes me want to offer my own heart to Kali. It's well-documented that George Lucas (and to a lesser extent, Steven Spielberg) does not do comedy well, and the same could be said for romance. So when these two get together, it's bound to be bad. At Pankot Palace, we're subjected to a tortuous experiment in battle of the sexes comedy. To repay Indy for giving her an apple, Willie (Kate Capshaw) throws herself at the archaeologist's feet, and he reciprocates by beginning an avalanche of ever-worsening innuendo that would make a morning FM deejay reach for the "eject" button. "Mating rituals"? Kill me. If that's not bad enough, we're supposed to believe that a man would walk away from casual sex because of how annoying she is. The story demands that some kind of conflict develops between Willie and Indy, but what results is similar to a porn scene being aborted because the man forgot to take his shoes off.