Saturday, January 19, 2008

My Dinner with Roger

Meme maestro Piper has unleashed his latest viral creation, and this one has a culinary twist:

My Dinner with [blank]:

1. Pick a single person past or present who works in the film industry you would like to have dinner with. And tell us why you chose this person.
2. Set the table for your dinner. What would you eat? Would it be in a home or at a restaurant? And what would you wear? Feel free to elaborate on the details.
3. List five thoughtful questions you would ask this person during dinner.
4. When all is said and done, select six bloggers to pass this Meme along to.
5. Link back to Lazy Eye Theatre, so people know the mastermind behind this Meme.

Piper set his table for a Michael Bay ambush, while Bob Turnbull (who tagged yours truly) invited a few notable guests.

I was having trouble coming up with my dinner guest, but a few things I read on Friday sealed it for me. In case you haven't noticed, Roger Ebert is indeed back -- as evidenced by a few recent reviews that qualify as Elite Ebert, reviews you find yourself going back to and reading again. His burying of The Bucket List was especially pleasing after being repeatedly assaulted by "are you going to drive it or buy it a dress?" on its awful trailer. Ebert's harsh reviews are often more entertaining than movie reviews should be, especially since his shots are factual and pretty honest. A rarer breed of Ebert review is when he goes outside the box for a by-the-numbers movie. Perhaps the most famous of this is his Milk Money review, and he recently went that route again with his take on Mad Money. I'm an unabashed Ebert fan boy, and I've been reading his reviews practically since the first day I had Internet access.

The setting: Food Network has taught me that Chicagoans enjoy their deep dish pizza and hot dogs. I'm sure Roger is no different, so I wouldn't want to compromise his usual diet. With that said, Roger and I are heading to Uno's Pizza.

Adam: I picked Uno's so I could get an authentic "slice" of the real Chicago.

Roger: Actually, deep dish meat lover's pizza isn't the best thing for someone who's recovering from salivary gland cancerous surgery.

Adam: Don't worry, I had the foresight to order a large Hawaiian as well. Now, your wife's name is "Chaz," that sounds like a movie character's name.

Roger: Sometimes I kid her that she should be in one of those new teen movies where all the female characters have masculine names. .

Adam: Speaking of women, your lone screenwriting credit was for Russ Meyer's classic Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, have you ever considered getting back into the movie biz?

Roger: I had a lot of time on my hands during my extended hospital stay, at one point I had written the next great science fiction saga, about aliens trying to steal the world's energy supply -- it would be called Mars Needs Oil and end with a powerful message about the importance of hybrid vehicles.

Adam: Fascinating, what happened to it?

Roger: Hospital politics, I'll leave it at that.

Adam: You once said that video games "could not be art," do you still hold that opinion?

Roger: No. My idle hands at the hospital led me to a device called "Guitar Hero 2," and it changed my outlook on video games. While video games may not actually be art, the music of Black Sabbath unquestionably is. So when I'm able to rock away to War Pigs from the comfort of my bed, well -- I think calling that "art" would be an understatement.

Adam: Thank you, Roger. The balcony is closed.


Anonymous said...

What a visual. Thanks for the chuckle. Oh, and if Ebert ever forms a Black Sabbath cover band I want in.

Piper said...

Great post Adam. While I have enjoyed many a review from Ebert, I'm not as big a fan as some but there's security in knowing that he his held high by many.

And damn, that Chicago deep dish is good. I always get to a location and order big because I've usually starved myself in anticipation or am incredibly hung-over. I never can get through more than a piece, though. I love a piece of pizza with weight.