FRIDAY SCREEN TEST: Squish Lessard

There appears to be a method for Squish "My Nickname is Better Than Yours" Lessard's madness: for all of his reviews at Film Squish, he breaks the films down into categories, which earn numerical grades. But while his reviews may be scientific, there may be no explanation as to why he enjoys toying with his readers by posting quizzes that make even the most bulging film buff feel like some boob who heads straight for the Shannon Tweed VHS section at Blockbuster. Through his clever skills of manipulation, Squish is able to make even the most recognizable of belt buckles seem as foreign as squid pizza toppings. Squish just may have the widest variety of reviews of any Screen Tester thus far (a Nordic genre section, anyone? Oceanic?) So he's definitely worldly, which may explain why Film Squish actually looks like a Web site, not like some template-chained blog that so many of us trogs lend our names to (tone it down a lil, Squish -- you're making us look bad!).

PHILM PHLEGM: 'Just this week I've been contemplating creating a special page for all my 'Hidden Phlegms' someday soon. Most recently I enjoyed how Starcrash (1979) pulled off trying to be good and failed so wickedly. Bloodsuckers (2005) was some low budget zen too. I spend far too much time away from my 'serious' film study looking for tragically awesome tripe, and I find myself usually quite disappointed, but finding that Re-Animator class greatness is well worth it.'

IF YOU'RE GONNA BUY, BUY -- DONT' TALK: 'I have 2 categories of film purchasing: 1. I've seen it and must have it, and all the DVD extras too .. This is reserved strictly for my "favourite films ever," quite a short list. 2. I'll only buy "never seens that I want to see" if they're cheaper than the cost of rental. By the end of last summer's Ottawa annual massive garage sale event, I had about 30 titles for under 40 bucks. You don't feel guilty when you buy Footloose for a dollar. The dollar bin at the grocery store occasionally has some gold classics too, from Stooges to Stewart.'

VICIOUS SQUISH: '[I watch movies] daily and usually twice a day on weekends. I used to watch more, but I found it interfered with my review writing, an ironically vicious cycle indeed ... Sometimes when I'm behind on my reviews, I'll watch a television series on DVD instead. I've been told that a movie a day is quite the endeavour ... I don't see it.

THIS WEEKEND ONLY AT CINEMA SQUISH: 'To fill the house, I'd crack out the Pink Floyd synchronicity trilogy: The Wizard of Oz to the music of "Dark Side of the Moon" (otherwise known as "The Dark Side of Oz"). The Good, The Bad and The Ugly synchs up with "Animals" and Blade Runner synchs up with "Wish You Were Here." If it were merely a venue for expression, Samurai, Apocalyptic, Zombie or classic 9-part horror serials would certainly be my bag. Got a touch of the Grindhouse in me for sure.'

TALK LIKE A SQUISH TODAY!: 'I try to keep away from the all too familiar:'
"Ain't nuthin good never come out of Missourah!" (Outlaw Josey Wales)
"What the hell you wanna fuck around that river for, anyway!?" (Deliverance)
"I like this one -- one dog goes one way, the other dog goes the other way." (Goodfellas)
"I bet you're the kind of guy who'd fuck a person in the ass and not even have the goddamned common courtesy to give him the reacharound!" (Full Metal Jacket)

ITS GETTIN COLD IN HERE: 'I'd have to say it's a toss up between the climaxes of Requiem for a Dream and Irreversible are the most powerful and goosebump-inspiring moments in Squish's film history ever for icky, and most scenes in Secretary for the good kind...'

THANKS, MAN: 'The most memorable encounter would have to be Korbett Mathews, less than a year ago. He's an independent documentary film director based in Montreal who taught a course I took. After the course I decided I'd take the plunge and start making some real films myself, and have been blowing my paychecks on 16mm film equipment ever since...'

BOOK OF THE DEAD (SOCIAL LIFE): 'Before I received a tome called 1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die for Christmas 2005, I was more a contemporary modern day film fan. Since that time I've delved into, pretty exclusively, classic films and having discovered so many silent era titles that moved me so much, I'm a changed man forever.'

SOME FRIEND: '"I can't believe I INVITED people to see this garbage! What must they think of me!?"'

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