FRIDAY SCREEN TEST: Piper

At Lazy Eye Theatre, Piper gives readers his own unique programming. The posts often come fast and furious, with Tuesdays reserved for original Top 5 lists (Top 5 Pantiless anyone? How about Top 5 Missing Digits?). Piper recently published a generously-detailed ranking of his favorite montages (some may cry foul over The Karate Kid's low rating), and his clever Plot Farm posts are worth revisiting. If you're still not sold, try reading about what movies changed Piper's DNA -- to see what he's really made of.

WHEN CAN YOU START? 'Get Shorty ,Goodfellas and The Godfather all make me want to be in the mob. High Fidelity makes me want to own a record store. La Femme Nikita makes me want to be a professional assassin' ... 'All those films and many more make me want to be a film-maker. But the truth is, I love my career right now.'

IF YOU'RE GONNA SHOOT, SHOOT -- DON'T TALK: 'I sat downwith a friend and spoke for hours about Mulholland Drive. And I mean HOURS. I saw A Clockwork Orange way before I was old enough to and I think I talked with my buddies about that all night. Probably more about the sex and violence than what a good film it was. I rarely sit down and write about a
film. I'm not the best reviewer. I'm a much better talker.

TIME ENOUGH AT LAST: 'I am a husband and father of two so I don't get away to the theatres as much as I want. I probably watch 2 to 3 movies a week. And not always new movies as I am an avid re-watcher of my favorites.'

IN THE END, THERE CAN BE ONLY FIVE: 'I love so many different movies for different reasons. If I pick one over the other, it's like I'm picking one kid over the other. I can give you my top 5. The Royal Tennenbaums, Out of Sight, Fight Club, High Fidelity and Goodfellas. And now I feel guilty because I've left out so much.'

THE KID'S ALRIGHT: 'Seven Samurai is a bit long, but you watch it and see how so many current movies have borrowed from it. Even my eight year old loved it.'

THE FRIGHTENERS: 'Watch Halloween and The Thing and Hell Night and more recently, Malevolence. If [you] weren't scared by those, [you] are not living. Going to movies is about having fun. It's not a dare or a chore. You have to want to be scared. It's no fun otherwise.'

PLEASE VENTURE TO SHUT UP: 'I bought the first season of Venture Brothers on DVD and I can't quit talking about that show. Everybody hates me because I always talk about it and how funny it is and subtle and brilliant.'

HUGHES IT OR LOSE IT: 'Last year my mother was diagnosed with lung cancer (she is cancer free now). Those first few days were some of the darkest I have faced and all I wanted to do was watch John Hughes movies. Ferris Buellers Day Off, Sixteen Candles, Weird Science. Movies that made me feel young again when I didn't have to worry about all the shit I do now.'

AWFULLY GOOD TASTE: 'There are some who probably think Re-Animator is awful, but I love it for everything that it is. Or Phantom of the Paradise. Or Roadhouse, which I might argue might be one of the best action movies out there and I know a lot of people who think I'm crazy for saying that.'

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