Of late I think of Silverton

Photo: Kim Murphy / LA Times

Like the main character in the Twilight Zone episode this post title refers to, I sometimes think wistfully of my time in a small town. If you come from a small town, you live for the day when you can brag about your hometown to the Big City Folks. Make them spit out their sip of Drambuie with a tale that rocks their concrete jungle to its brittle, cementy core. For me, that day has come. While I consider myself a native of Portland, a good bulk of my childhood (and all my high school years) took place in Silverton, Ore., where the nation's first openly transgender mayor was recently elected.

Yes, the picture you see is of Stu Rasmussen (aka Carla Fung), who will take the reins of a town where "rapid development" is a bad word, but "breasts on a 60-year-old man" is old hats. Since Stu's victory, Silverton has received unprecedented media attention, stretching from Portland to Los Angeles. You might be asking how a man like Stu could be elected mayor in a small, conservative town. I would then remind you that Stu was Silverton's mayor nearly 20 years ago, except back then he wore jeans and flannel shirts, covering up what minimal cleavage he had. Stu's ascent to womanhood began slowly, occasionally adding red high heels to go with those jeans, or suddenly showing off his exquisitely painted red fingernails. So when Stu decided to add "the twins" (as he calls them) to his resume, it was met with nary a shrug to those who know the man. If you think his story sounds like a character from a Tim Burton (Amazing Larry, maybe?) or John Waters movie, you're not alone. Or maybe only a skilled monologuist could do true justice to Stu's tale.


The last time Silverton caught the nation's eye was in 1923, when Bobbie the Wonder Dog became America's favorite four-legged hero. Have you seen the Bruce Willis-Billy Bob Thornton movie Bandits? Much of the filming took place in Silverton, yet Hollywood has never again come calling. And so it has come that the national spotlight is again cast on sleepy Silverton, and as is our small town humble nature, we can only reply with "please, we serve no froie gras here, go on your merry way and let us live our lives in peace. Just because we elected to mayor a man who prefers to wear cocktail dresses that best show off his ample cleavage, does not make us any different from nearby Stayton or Mt. Angel."

Stu will make a good mayor, and I say that as someone who knew him before the breasts and makeup. I know him as the proprietor of as fine a small town movie house you could ask for. Like his father before him, Stu has run The Palace Theater in Silverton. It was once boasted to have the state's largest screen (a claim that was never independently verified), but what cannot be argued is that The Palace was always clean, with many perfectly functional seats, and the best snow cones in town. I have Stu to thank for many of my favorite theatrical experiences. It was at The Palace where I once proclaimed Under Siege to be my favorite movie of 1992, where I laughed my way through Groundhog Day, watched a friend of mine wipe tears from her face at the end of Mrs. Doubtfire and had a riot of a time taking in Event Horizon in a very loud audience.

But the movie-going moment I most have to thank Stu for is the midnight showing of Star Wars Episode I: The Phantom Menace. Yes, it's a terrible movie that's rightly reviled, but there was a moment in time when it seemed the whole world couldn't wait to see it, and people were waiting in line for months to get a ticket. I was resigned to the fact that I would need to make a late-night trek to Salem or Portland and wait in line for a ticket, when one day I drove past The Palace and saw the Star Wars title listed on the large marquee. "Episode 1, in Silverton?" It was true, Stu had secured the movie for opening weekend, at a theater where first-run movies usually took 2-3 weeks to arrive. Better yet, a midnight showing was planned, complete with a costume contest.

I'll never forget the collectible tickets Stu had printed up for the opening: thick blue card stock with sparkly ink (I still have my ticket buried away somewhere). The midnight showing ended up a sellout, and of course Stu was dressed up as Princess Padme. He even had the courtesy to include the trailers for the original three Star Wars before the main feature. And as I trudged out of the theater slightly in a daze over what I had just seen, I couldn't shake the smile off my face from how perfectly the evening played out. Thank you Stu, and good luck as mayor (again).

Something old, something new

I spend a lot of time re-watching movies. Probably more than I should, considering how many titles I need to catch up on. But this practice occasionally leads to great experiences, like catching something in a movie that I hadn't noticed in any of the previous umpteenth viewings. One of these moments happened today, after again putting on Once Upon a Time in the West.

As a visual storyteller, Sergio Leone is one of the best in film history, and in watching his movies you start to notice how every detail of his frame is done deliberately to paint a broader picture of his characters and storylines. Nothing happens by accident in Leone's frames, and I found another example of this skill today. Jill's arrival at the train station in Flagstone has no actual dialog (just background chatter), but in this scene we see a woman who starts to learn that her fairy tale wedding is starting to unravel. We also see that Jill has traveled very far to arrive in Flagstone, where her life will start anew.

It's this last detail that I missed upon all previous viewings. Later in the movie Jill explains she's from New Orleans, where she met Brett McBain, but there's actually a visual clue at the train station about her journey's origin. After wandering in confusion waiting for her promised escort to pick her up at the station, Jill looks for answers, and her gaze finds a clock.

After reading the time on the clock, Jill glances down at her own timepiece.

And this only brings her more frustration.

It seems hard to miss now, but up until this viewing I had never noticed that Leone was showing us how Jill was still on New Orleans time. Before telling us she traveled from New Orleans, it's apparent she traveled a great distance, because her timepiece is over two hours off. It would have been easy to establish her origin with a throwaway line of dialog, but with this visual we see Jill's confusion and frustration through her eyes. "Where am I? And what the hell am I doing here? How will I ever get back to New Orleans?"

Another visual marvel from this sequence is Leone placing Jill next to the train's unloaded cargo. In this shot she appears to be just another piece of merchandise or luggage, an object she no doubt feels like at this very moment.

From Russia with a cello

Note: This post is part of the Blog, James Blog-a-thon at Lazy Eye Theatre.

I had hoped to write an all-Timothy Dalton post for the James Blog-a-thon, but it turns out there's nothing nice I can say about License to Kill, other than its ultra-smooth title cut from Gladys Knight. So all-Timothy Dalton turned in to all-Living Daylights, which is fine by me. I've never hesitated to declare The Living Daylights as one of my favorite Bond movies (same for A View to a Kill), despite having a decidedly lower pedigree than its peers. There's not a single memorable villain in the movie, the plot seems like a lost A-Team episode, and the most critical piece of gadgetry James uses is an exploding key chain. And yet, it's still fun as hell.

What The Living Daylights has going for it is strong source material, a short story by Ian Fleming that was the last of the author's books to be adapted into a big-screen 007 before Casino Royale. Fleming's short story The Living Daylights presents the concept of Bond's conflict of killing a beautiful woman sniper, who he earlier had eyes for. The movie recreates this short story nearly line for line in the opening sequence, even ending with the same words, "I must have scared the living daylights out of her." The short story ends there, and from that scene the movie goes on to a mostly uninteresting series of double-crosses about the KGB and an arms dealer portrayed by Joe Don Baker.

The plot never really comes to life after that opening scene, especially since the worst that can happen is the KGB getting to buy some weapons from Joe Don Baker. But the opening sniper sequence gives us the one element that will hold everything together: the chemistry between Bond and Kara (Maryam d'Abo). Unlike many of the perfunctory 007 relationships, these two seem to really share something, and dammit if they don't look good together. Kara is a good complement to Bond, as we see early on she's a capable sniper and later proves to be a nearly-competent pilot.

The pair figure in to the movie's two best moments: a flawless Aston Martin gadget escape turned cello sled ride, and a still amazing airborn fight on a barely-tethered opium cargo. The latter leads to the movie's best line ("he got the boot!"), and one of the franchise's best-executed stunts, with Bond and Kara escaping the doomed cargo plane in a Jeep on some sort of parachute sled. They make it look easy, but I've always loved Dalton's fearless look when he pulls the parachute and jumps back in the Jeep ("I know a great restaurant in Karachi!").

These charms may not be appear to be in the caliber of Bond's more popular fare, but there's something about the overall film that's kept me coming back. It may be due to the fact that it was made in 1987, and as such its DNA contains elements of 80s action movies (random happenings in Afghanistan, exploding cargo planes, Joe Don Baker, etc.). It's also hard to deny that this is the last of the old school 007 movies -- the last of Fleming's original material, and also the last one to be scored by John Barry. The score and accompanying songs are excellent, with Barry adding some late-80s sensibilities to the traditional 007 score, and a-Ha turning in a surprisingly memorable title song (Barry himself remixed the song for the movie, adding in the snappy strings intro).

And then there's Dalton. While he may never rise above the bottom of the Bond depth chart among fans, he has nothing to be ashamed of in The Living Daylights. Dalton's Bond is closer to Sean Connery than Roger Moore, with little of the former's sarcasm. He plays Bond pretty straight, but always appears capable of doing his part in keeping the Majesty's Crown safe. License to Kill sunk the franchise to unseen depths, and Dalton's legacy was taken down with it, but The Living Daylights has aged well.

Two stupid signs for your enjoyment

If you've followed this blog for long, you know I don't often post about the local business scene here in Boise. In fact, this is the first time. But yesterday I saw two pieces of signage so incomprehensibly stupid, it just had to be shared with everyone.


Let's start with the worst offender first. This new business manages to combine one of the English language's worst adjectives (pasty), with one of the world's greatest treasures (pies), and ties it all up by adding "fresh" to the mix. My first thought was: My God, did they actually mis-spell "pastry"? But that didn't make much sense, because "pastry pie" is so unnaturally redundant (along the lines of "alcohol beer"). I investigated further, and saw that the menu on the wall has only three items: Pasty Pie, Salad and Pop. What, no dessert?

Further research revealed a "pasty pie" to be a staple cuisine of Michigan's Upper Peninsula, a meat pie of sorts. Beyond the fact that Boise was never clamoring for the culinary delicacies of Northern Michigan, there's the reality that this restaurant has "pasty" in its name. Outside of certain parts of Michigan, this word does not inspire an appetite, and most people would like to go their whole life without having to associate "pasty" with anything food-related. I will add that the previous tenant of this space was a take-and-bake pizza joint, and if that business didn't last a year I'm only giving Fresh Pasty Pies a couple months.

Most people won't be annoyed by this one, but I'm still shaking my head. I knew Hollywood Video was having its troubles, but Mark's Video? That would be a bland name in 1985, when every other video store was called "Video Mania" or "Video Chest." There's no Wikipedia page for Mark's Video, and no Web site either. All I could find was this article detailing how 20 Hollywood Video stores will be re-branded, as part of a settlement between Movie Gallery and Mark Whattler, Hollywood Video's founder and former owner. Apparently, Whattler was behind in this re-branding effort:

Wattles, who is squabbling with Movie Gallery over the reasonable amount of time it takes to switch branding for the 20 stores, said he had planned to move Hollywood Video and Game Crazy away from movie rental and toward videogame rental before he sold the chains to Movie Gallery, according to the report.

Honestly, how much time does he need to tie a sign over the Hollywood Video logo?

My ignorance knows no alphabetical bounds

Fletch at Blog Cabins is battling illiteracy with his new meme, The Alphabet Meme. I've heard that for every child that learns to read through this meme, Fletch will receive a golden apple, and I think that's great (the golden apple part, I don't care about the kids). I was roped into this one via Piper, and the rules are fairly simple, go through the alphabet and name a film for every letter. And since I never want to be accused of being simplistic, I've altered the rules for my post a little bit: I've never seen any of the movies listed below. I wanted to have some kind of over-arching theme for my alphabet, and some of the entries here may surprise you as to what I haven't seen:

Altered States (1980)
Born on the Fourth of July (1989)
Can't Stop the Music (1980)
Day of the Dead (1985)
Emmanuelle (1974)
Force 10 from Navarone (1978)
Get Carter (1971)
Hell is a City (1960)
Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull (2008)
Jezebel (1938)
Kiru (1968)
Le Samourai (1967)
Mikey (1992)
Never So Few (1959)
Oscar (1991)
Patton (1970)
Quo Vadis (1951)
Richard III (1995)
Spellbound (1945)
Twelve O'Clock High (1949)
Under the Volcano (1984)
Viridania (1961)
Warlock (1989)
X: The Man With the X-Ray Eyes (1959)
Yentl (1983)
Zulu Dawn (1979)

As if you needed another reminder to vote

Let's not have a repeat of "One for Martin, two for Martin!"

The 10 Best 'Treehouses of Horror' Tales

One of the unsung accomplishments in The Simpsons long run on Fox is its place in television Halloween history. The annual Treehouse of Horror episode, which debuted on Oct. 25, 1990, has to be considered one of the best and most successful Halloween traditions in TV history. The standard adopted on that initial ToH -- three vignettes mocking horror movies or ghost stories -- has never been altered, and along the way it has produced some of the most memorable Simpsons moments.

It's easy to associate ToH with Halloween, but in fact it has aired only twice on Oct. 31, in 1991 and 1999. Some seasons have even delayed the Halloween episode late in November (2004 was a lowpoint, with ToH airing on Nov. 7). No matter when it airs, it doesn't feel right to miss a new ToH episode, and some Fox affiliates still air a string of the Halloween episodes on the holiday's date. So in honor of The Simpsons' 20th season and Halloween, here are my 10 favorite Treehouse of Horror tales:

10. The Thing and I

Treehouse of Horror VII
Aired: Oct. 27, 1996
Inspired by: The Hunchback of Notre Dame, Basketcase, Do You Know Where Your Kids Are? (Freddie's Nightmares episode)

A great attempt at creating actual scares, "The Thing and I" is surprisingly creepy with an effective twist ending. While investigating strange sounds from the attic, Bart, Lisa and Maggie discover empty shackles and a shadowy figure before being scared away. After pressing for answers, Homer and Marge confess that Bart was actually one half of conjoined twins, and the evil twin has spent his life living in the attic.

9. I've Grown a Costume on Your Face

Treehouse of Horror XVI
Air date: Nov. 6, 2005
Inspired by: Halloween III: Season of the Witch, The Masks (Twilight Zone).

Maybe the most underrated ToH tale, "I've Grown a Costume on Your Face" draws some inspiration from the above sources, but is mostly original. When a Springfield costume party awards first prize to a woman dressed as a witch, it is discovered she is in fact an actual witch. Since she is not technically in costume, her award is withdrawn, and in retaliation the witch casts a spell on the city -- turning them into their costumes. This produces some interesting results: Apu is now R2D2, Flanders is a daisy, and Patty and Selma each have half of a horse's body. Maggie is the town's only hope, since she was wearing a witch's costume herself, but what spell will she cast?

8. Citizen Kang

Treehouse of Horror VII
Air date: Oct. 27, 1996
Inspired by: V (tearing off aliens' masks)

A brilliant story in lieu of that year's election, "Citizen Kang" gives us the familiar Kang and Kodos who kidnap candidates Bill Clinton and Bob Dole. The aliens impersonate the politicians, leading to several laugh out loud moments: "Always twirling toward freedom!" "Abortions for some, miniature American flags for everyone!" "What about a third party candidate? Go ahead, throw your vote away!"

7. The Shinning

Treehouse of Horror V
Air date: Oct. 30, 1994
Inspired by: The Shining

A mostly excellent Kubrick satire, continuing a running gag of this episode where Willy is murdered in each tale. Good (if not obvious) casting makes this one memorable: Willy as the groundskeeper, Moe as the bartender, and of course Mr. Burns as the resort owner.

6. The Bart Zone

Treehouse of Horror II
Air date: Oct. 31, 1991
Inspired by: It's a Good Life (Twilight Zone)

This tale pounces on the meaty potential of the source material and produces one of the funniest ToH vignettes ever. Bart, as the boy who can alter anything with his mind, routinely changes history with his wrong test answers (America's name is suddenly changed to "Bonerland"), and keeps everyone in Springfield walking on eggshells. I would go so far as to say "The Bart Zone" does a better job with the story than The Twilight Zone, as it expands the reach of the boy's powers to the whole world, and not just a small farming neighborhood ("You know what we say anytime something weird happens, 'that's very good!'")

5. Dial Z for Zombies

Treehouse of Horror III
Air date: Oct. 30, 1992
Inspired by: Pick your zombie movie.

"Dad, you killed the Zombie Flanders!"
"He was a zombie?"
The Simpsons served up hilarious zombie satire way before Shaun of the Dead made it cool.

4. King Homer

Treehouse of Horror III
Air date: Oct. 30, 1992
Inspired by: King Kong

Simply one of the funniest 7 minutes in Simpsons history, "King Homer" is amazingly funny on every level. This also contains one of my favorite deliveries in the series' history, as Mr. Burns says to Marge: "We wouldn't think of going anywhere without the bait -- that is the bath....ing...beauty...the bathing beauty! I covered that up pretty well!" This tale could have gone No. 1 easily, but gets bumped down because it doesn't really have a horror or Halloween tone to it.

3. Nightmare on Evergreen Terrace

Treehouse of Horror VI
Air date: Oct. 29, 1995
Inspired by: A Nightmare on Elm Street

This one starts off with a bang, as we find ourselves in a dream of Bart's where he's animated Looney Tunes-style. It's a fun moment, and a great way to illustrate an animated character's dream. Willy plays Freddie in this one, a spot-on take-off of Nightmare on Elm Street, complete with a very cinematic climax and what-the-hell twist ending.

2. Hungry are the Damned

Treehouse of Horror I
Air date: Oct. 25, 1990
Inspired by: To Serve Man (Twilight Zone), This Island Earth

A fall-down funny satire of The Twilight Zone's most famous episode, featuring one of the show's best-ever gags. After being abducted by seemingly nice aliens, Lisa becomes suspicious when they're fed banquet after banquet and regularly weighed. The curious Lisa finds a cookbook called "How to Cook Humans," which after removing some space dust becomes "How to Cook For Humans," then "How to Cook Forty Humans," before the complete title is revealed. This was also part of the very first ToH, and it still holds up as one of the best of the Halloween series (the other two tales, "Bad Dream House" and "The Raven," are equally strong).

1. Terror at 5 1/2 Feet

Treehouse of Horror IV
Air date: Oct. 28, 1993
Inspired by: Nightmare at 20,000 Feet (Twilight Zone)

You could make the case for many of the entries on this list as No. 1, but this tale will always be at the top of my list. Like "Hungry are the Damned," it takes excellent source material and turns it on its ear, putting a genuine Simpsons stamp on a high-grade horror tale. Along the way there are many classic moments: Hans Moleman as the AMC Gremlin driver, Homer stealing an air horn and life jackets from the dock ("it was just sitting in some guys boat!") and the thoroughly satisfying ending ("right or wrong, you didn't follow the rules -- perhaps spending the rest of your life in an insane asylum will teach you a lesson!").

Kinda like that one time you won a Family Guy DVD set...

Hi, I'm Adam Ross with DVD Panache (LIGHT APPLAUSE).

Thank you, but please settle down, we have something serious to talk about here: nothing. That's right "nothing," the little word that represents the absence of anything. "Nothing" is usually used in a negative connotation (see: The Never Ending Story), and rightfully so -- but today I'm here to offer you a chance to experience "nothing" for all the good it can represent. Namely, getting something for nothing (GASPS).

I know, what you're wondering what the catch is, and here it is: you just have to send me an email (SKEPTICAL MURMURING). But there has to be more to it than that, right? Yes, you're right: you have to send me an email telling me what your favorite Family Guy flashback is. So now you know about the "nothing" of the equation, and here's the "something": one random person who sends me an email telling me what their favorite Family Guy flashback is will receive a copy of Family Guy: Vol. 6 (RANDOM WHISTLES OF APPROVAL). You remember that Family Guy has flashbacks, right? Here's one to refresh your memory:



So one person is guaranteed a happy ending in this deal, but what of everyone else? You won't be left out, because after the prize is sent out, DVD Panache will present a list of the best of the flashback entrants, including my personal favorite. So now all you need to do is decide on your favorite Family Guy flashback -- but don't take too long, the voting deadline is Nov. 3! And since we're on the topic of Family Guy, Vol. 6, let's take a look at the voices and writers who were responsible for all those flashbacks:

His name is Bill. He solves problems.

In the haunted home stretch of his October Kill Fest, Jonathan "My next scary name may be your own" Lapper took time to celebrate The Twilight Zone. Jonathan's post and the accompanying leagues of comments put me in a TZ mood, as I am known to fall into occasionally. Jonathan's mention of Little Girl Lost as one of his favorite episodes got me thinking about it, specifically one of its supporting characters that I've always been fascinated with. He's the unsung character in a memorable episode. He might have deserved his own series. His name is Bill.

Little Girl Lost (watch the full episode here) is the episode that probably inspired Poltergeist, featuring a young girl who inexplicably disappears, though her family can still hear her. After a few frantic moments, the parents decide to do what they should have done at the start: call Bill. It's the middle of the night, but Bill is at the ready, and is soon at the door. Assessing the situation, Bill learns that little Tina went under her bed, and was later followed by the family dog, but both are now nowhere to be found. Bill takes the initiative to move the child's bed, and is smart enough to "mark where the legs were" (good call Bill, the last thing Tina needs after she's found is to see that her bed was moved and then replaced slightly out of position).

Bill comes to the conclusion that Tina and the dog had vanished via an invisible portal, and after some awkward movements he locates said portal in a nearby wall. Bill's hand goes right through the wall, so it's not your average wall. Bill quickly deduces that we're dealing with the 4th Dimension ("just a step up from the third"), a dimension that occasionally meets up with our own. In the episode's best moment, Bill gives a scholarly explanation of the 4th Dimension's properties while drawing a perimeter of the portal on the wall. It's a wonderful moment, and Bill does it with unflinching confidence.

A plan comes together where Tina's father will poke his head into the portal and try to locate his daughter, whom he eventually find. Though Chris the father is seen walking around in this odd, echo-y 4th Dimension, Bill reveals after all is back to normal that Chris was actually never all the way through the portal -- Bill was holding on to him the whole time. The portal closes up just as Chris and Tina cross back over, and to all a good night.

Everything's back to normal, yet one question remains: how is Bill not the coolest man alive? So knowledgeable is Bill, so unflappable, he doesn't even blink when faced with the prospect of a close friend's daughter vanishing into an unknown dimension. Oh, wait -- it's not an unknown dimension because Bill knows all about it! Just imagine how many calls Bill takes a day from his friends about their stupid problems: there's a meteor with glowing goo in my backyard, I think I just created a mini-black hole, there's an eye growing on my hand, my son says he's gay, blah blah blah. Bill's there, just give him a call.

Another thing I love about this episode, you have to love the ending Rod Serling tacks on:

The other half where? The fourth dimension? The fifth? Perhaps. They never found the answer. Despite a battery of research physicists equipped with every device known to man, electronic and otherwise, no result was ever achieved, except perhaps a little more respect for and uncertainty about the mechanisms of the Twilight Zone.

The 1080 Times, vol. 4

While we're in the midst of a sell-off on Wall Street, HD-DVD enthusiasts are definitely in a buy buy buy market. You need to buy now because prices on new HD-DVDs keep falling, along with inventory. After listing The Adventures of Robin Hood at a record low price of $9.99, Amazon then described it as "discontinued by the manufacturer" and is now simply "unavailable." At DVD Panache favorite Deep Discount, their best stock of HD-DVD (including The Warriors, Apollo 13 and Hot Fuzz) is listed as "discontinued." Amazon's stock is still strong, and most of their titles have been reduced to $9.99. There's clearly a day on the horizon when retail HD-DVDs are non-existant online and eBay and other used outlets will be the only way to go. The bright side of this is that prices everywhere are extremely appealing, and if you've created a wish list for HD-DVDs, you should be able to cross many of them off these days (I know I have). On to this issue's scores:

Forbidden Planet: I was really looking forward to this one, as it has some of my favorite visuals of any movie. From the striking opening credits to the Id Monster's assault on the Krell lab, it's all among the best sci-fi imagery ever put on film. With that said, the transition to HD isn't all that groundbreaking, and the differences may only be noticed by those who have seen the movie multiple times. If you are one of those people, prepare to be delighted by how the Altair landscapes now look more realistic and certain scenes (like Altaira's walks in the jungle) have a 3-D quality to them due to the contrast created with the lush artificial backgrounds. Everything looks fantastic, but because it was filmed on a stage and not with natural light, Forbidden Planet's visuals don't "pop" like other HD-DVDs. Score: 6

Dune: This was a great surprise. Some HD-DVDs really give you the whoa factor, and this is one of them, where you find yourself wondering how it could ever look any better. Credit some of this to David Lynch's fantastic production design -- every scene in the Emperor's chambers looks amazing, with the gold costumes and objects naturally shimmering. It honestly looks like it was filmed a couple of years ago, not in 1984. Unfortunately, some of the special effects don't hold up under the increased visual scrutiny, but it's a minor quibble. Score: 9

Grand Prix: I'm really glad I picked this up for $9.99 when I did, it's now listed as "unavailable" on Amazon, with used copies starting at $30.35. Since it was filmed in the Cinerama format, I had high hopes for Grand Prix, and was not disappointed. In particular, the opening scenes at the Monaco Grand Prix are a true wonder. Helicopter shots of the Monte Carlo crowd leave your eyes darting back and forth at all the perfect detail on display, and director John Frankenheimer's famous bumper-cam shots during the race are everything you would hope for. Along with The Searchers and The Adventures of Robin Hood, this disc can truly show off the format. Score: 10

Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory: Didn't know what to expect with this one, but was excited to see how it would translate. The result is good, but certainly not great. The movie is obviously filled with color, but it's also shot with a mostly soft lens that keeps it from making a big leap with HD. Certain shots really pop, like the early candy shop scene, but once we get inside the factory, it starts looking ordinary. The "Pure Imagination" scene is an all-time favorite of mine and never fails to impress, but beyond presenting perfectly-defined colors, the scene in HD never really leaps off the screen the way you would want it to. Score: 6

The French love Jerry Lewis* and Dennis Hopper (and bread)

Good to see Dennis Hopper being awarded the Chevalier de la legion des Arts et des Lettres from France recently. Can't say I've heard of anyone else receiving that, but it's a nice-enough sounding honor, and it looks cool. Still, the reason for this post is the picture below, it's crying out for a caption. Here's my attempt, what's yours?

"Thank you. Amazing, that a man who once uttered 'Fuck you, you fucking fuck' on screen, could be awarded an honor such as this."

*And yes, Moviezzz, the title of this post was for you.

Leave nothing but the gold

If you watched any football this weekend, you probably saw the latest Leave Nothing commercial by Nike. The last one was directed by Michael Mann, and featured the great theme from The Last of the Mohicans. Next up? David Fincher, and here's his effort:



I think I like this one a little more. Mann's commercial is a little anti-climactic, and Fincher has a better story by starting the tale from birth. What really gets my attention is the song he uses, and I can't believe how long it took me to figure out what it was from. Sure, there are extra drum beats and cues, but I should have recognized it right away. It's also interesting to know Fincher put this together -- how long did the production take, and with that in mind, how much did it cost? One more thing: throughout this entire commercial, do we ever see any recognizable Nike products?

The kid's got potential

"Hey Dad, what's this Straw Dogs movie about? What kind of dogs are in it?"

"Eh, only way to find out is to just watch it for myself."

Yes, you can go home to EV-426 again

Ever since Bill Paxson's character said "game over, man!" Aliens has been a movie pleading for a high quality video game to call its own, and miraculously we finally have that game in Aliens: Extermination. I say miraculously because 1. This is actually the third attempt at creating an Aliens arcade game (1990's Aliens was a standard side-scroller shooter -- albeit with a fun final stage based on the climactic power loader scene -- while 1993's Alien 3: The Gun merged the second and third installments of the series into a well-meaning, but familiar shoot-em-up), and 2. the arcade game industry is currently in its dimmest state in decades, with paltry new offerings that focus mostly on novelty. Through all of this, we have Aliens: Extermination, and even though it came out in 2006, it's still new to most of us since actually finding a newly-released arcade game is a game itself.

I had little hope of finding Extermination after reading about it last year, but as the saying goes: "Walk down the wrong alley in Boise, and if your expectations are low enough, you can find just about anything." Well I found it, and damn am I happy I did. Remember the Terminator 2 arcade game? Arnie himself wouldn't go back to that game after playing Extermination, it has to be considered one of the best movie-based video games of all time.


As you can see from the image above Extinction is a shoot-em-up, but it brings a lot to the table than simply pulling the trigger and aiming. It takes you deep into the Aliens world, giving you the role of a marine landing on EV-426, just as in the movie. You'll see a few Aliens landmarks and moments here and there, but it's mostly a new spin on the movie with the likes of android enemies and different strains of the alien species.

The most familiar Aliens artifact is the life-size pulse rifle that serves as the game's controller -- it comes complete with the familiar two-digit ammo counter on the back. For those of you who have fantasized about Michael Biehn lovingly explaining how to load a magazine into a machine gun, you've found your game. The ammo counter on the gun is crucial, as unlike most games of the genre you actually have a limited amount of your base ammunition, and once it's gone you'll be reduced to using a humble pistol against the hordes of aliens. In addition to pulse rifle rounds, a button under the gun's barrel allows you to operate a flame thrower and another button lets you throw grenades and laser-guided missiles. These controls open up a myriad of offensive options, as in any given fire fight you could find yourself firing the pulse rifle, flame thrower, grenade and pistol in rapid succession without taking your eyes off the battle at hand.

The action in the game is as furious as you want it, and at some parts you may find yourself screaming "Oh you want some too?" like Paxson's character does -- unfortunately there's no option to pull the pin on a grenade when you're out of ammo like our fellow marine Vasquez. It gets so chaotic that the rumbling gun often leaves your hand feeling like mush -- so walk it off, OK, marine? With four long missions taking you through every corner and depth of EV-426, Aliens: Extermination is a dream for any fan of the movie ... as long as you can find it.

October: No rust for the wicked

It's October again, and that means we all begin our precious Halloween month traditions: painting your house black, renting a hurse, digging graves for the "mock" cemetary in the front yard, sharpening your knives, training the neighborhood crows to "caw" when that certain person walks by. You know, Halloween stuff! If you have enough time to spare in between your sick traditions, put these blogs on your daily routine, as they're putting on quite a show this month:

• Moon in the Gutter: Jeremy Richey is celebrating the month with a 31-day salute to Halloween. I know Jeremy will have lots of tasty treats in honor of the horror classic, and he's started it off with a look at the connections the movie has to his home state of Kentucky.
  
  
• Evil Eye Theatre: Piper has donned his Evil Clown guise for the month and his site is packed full of so many scares this month, your driver's license picture may well turn into a skull. Lots of fun stuff up already, including an enlightening conversation between God and Satan.
  
  
• Cinema Styles: Jonathan Lapper is holding his much anticipated October Kill Fest, an event that will span mutilated text, pictures and video. Jonathan has already given us some fresh meat in the form of that wonderfully terrifying Frank Capra classic. He has also suggested to change your blog moniker to something befitting of the season -- sounds fun, why not?
  
  
• Arbogast on Film: Arbo has pledged to honor 31 memorable screen screams through the month, good thing too since he possesses the rare talent to analyze screams the same way another person might go on about a satisying plate of southwestern egg rolls.
  
  
• The Kind of Face You Hate: Bill R. and his newly launched blog (love the name), is taking a month-long look at horror fiction, starting with Henry James and H.P. Lovecraft.
  
  
• Others: You can be damn sure that the usual October suspects of Stacie Ponder, Dennis Cozzalio and Kindertrauma will offer at least one feast of a post in honor of the holiday, as they have in years past.

Myself? I have neglected to plan anything special for the month, though I did promise myself to revive my long-neglected Bava Beat series, focusing on some of my favorite Bava horrors.

Bad boy in the house

Earlier this month I wrote about my 12 Must (somehow Sees) -- rare or hard to find movies I long to view. I had little hope of watching any of these movies, but that was before good samaritan and all-around awesome blogger Marty McKee basically gave me a "step inside my office." Through Marty's goodwill, I will be able to cross two of those movies off my list, including the one I had most wanted to see -- Bad Ronald. A 1974 television movie, it seems like I've been aware of Bad Ronald for a long time, though I'm not sure when I first learned about it. I had high expectations for this movie, and am happy to say that they were largely exceeded.

Based on the book by the same name, Bad Ronald stars Scott Jacoby in the titular role as a sweetly weird teen who has a very bad 18th birthday. Lots of people have had miserable birthdays, but few of them can say they accidentally killed an adolescent girl on their big day. After blowing out the candles on his cake and re-affirming his desire to be a doctor with his clingy Mom (Kim Hunter!), Ronald is flush with confidence and heads out to ask mean girl Laurie Matthews on a date. This goes badly, as Ronald is laughed out the door by Laurie and her friends, and in his haste to get home, Ronald collides with Laurie's little sister Carol on a sidewalk. Things quickly get worse as Carol starts making fun of Ronald and his mom, and in his desire to get an apology from the girl, she falls down and hits her head on a cinder block.

Naturally, Ronald finds a shovel and buries the dead girl, which as Mom will later tell him was not a bright idea. Mom is of course heart broken at the news of her son being a murderer, but also strangely delighted, as Ronald now won't be able to study in college and leave her alone. Mom's big plan is simple yet dramatic: she and Ronald will construct a hidden "lair" in their house for him to hide out in while the mess dies down. Using Ronald's "incredible" tool kit that he just opened as a birthday present, the Good Family erects a mock wall over the door to a bathroom ala Dawn of the Dead, adds a secret entrance in the neighboring pantry -- and Ronald's new life has just begun.

It's these scenes of Ronald's new captive life where I thought Bad Ronald was at his best. Jacoby is well cast as a dorky teen shut-in, and we see that he doesn't exactly share his mother's enthusiasm for her hideaway plan. As Ronald's mother, Hunter is the best thing the movie has going for it, growing increasingly creepy in her transition from mother to warden. In her brief interactions with Ronald in the lair (as she refers to it), Mom is quick to shut the door on her son and remind him how stringently they must stick to their plan. Ronald's new dwelling also allows him ample time to tend to his literary creation of Atranta, a Tolkien-like fantasy world complete with life-size illustrations. This subplot is really our only clue to Ronald's label of being weird, but it never feels natural.

So everything's going just fine until Mom goes in for surgery and doesn't come back. In fact, the next visitors to the house are realtors who are trying to sell it. Ronald is soon joined in the house by a "they all were blonde, like their mother" nuclear family, helmed by Dabney Freaking Coleman. It's not long before the family notices missing food and strange noises, leading them to believe that the house is haunted. Ronald takes some delight in being the ghost of the house, and gradually loses his grasp on reality. When the youngest daughter finds herself alone in the house, Ronald takes the opportunity to cast her as the princess of Atranta, and hijinks ensue. The family's eventual discovery of Ronald and his lair is played out perfectly, and is probably the movie's best (and scariest) moment. For the genre, the ending is pretty by-the-numbers, but it doesn't take anything away from the previous 70 minutes.

I had hoped Bad Ronald would combine the sensibilities of a made-for-TV movie, with a highly creepy story that could have come from a Stephen King short story. While obviously hampered by time constraints and content sensitivity, Bad Ronald is never boring and packs in a few honest scares with a constant air of creepiness (my wife surrendered 30 minutes in, proclaiming it "too creepy"). With a longer running time would have served it well, as we barely see any of Ronald before the accidental murder, and never really get to know him as a normal kid. What Bad Ronald does best is maintain a consistent ghost story/urban legend feel, it's the kind of story you heard at the playground that's "totally true."

'Yo sound the bell, school's in, sucka'

So it's been almost a month since the good professor Dennis Cozzalio assigned his latest questionnaire, Dr. Zachary Smith's Lost in the Space at the End of Summer Movies Quiz. My tardiness on turning this in is on-par with everything else I'm trying to do lately, but as always, Dennis has outdone himself with this quiz. Stop over at Sergio Leone and the Infield Fly Rule for more interesting answers, and even more stimulating posts.

1) Your favorite musical moment in a movie
Two moments immediately spring to mind: the opening scenes of Danger: Diabolik and the opening credits-strutting of The Wild Bunch. Ennio Morricone's Diabolik score isn't for everyone, but I can't get enough of it, particularly the early scenes where we're introduced to Diabolik, Eva and their underground lair. At first I found the opening song "Deep Deep Down" to be annoying, but today I sometimes find myself humming it, and there are few electric harmonies better than when we meet Diabolik and Eva on their bed full of money. The beginning notes to The Wild Bunch are so perfect with Jerry Fielding's militant percussion and tense strings, giving you the impression that something big is about to go down. Fielding's guitar-strum conclusion matches up masterfully to Pike Bishop's terse "if they move, kill 'em!"

2) Ray Milland or Dana Andrews
Andrews, for his great performance in one of my favorite movies, The Ox-Bow Incident.

3) Favorite Sidney Lumet movie
Fail Safe. It's helped by my love for Dr. Strangelove, for which it serves as an interesting chaser, but it's also just so damn scary and contains one of the most petrifying endings I've ever seen.

4) Biggest surprise of the just-past summer movie season
Ummm, maybe the fact that I didn't see any theatrical releases during the summer? We thought about taking my then 7-month-old son to Wall-E, but he would have spent the whole time grabbing at a nearby person's hair, or desperately grabbing for a loose popcorn kernel.

5) Gene Tierney or Rita Hayworth
I'll take Tierney, obviously for Laura, but also for her nice appearance in Advise & Consent.

6) What’s the last movie you saw on DVD? In theaters?
Last night I convinced my wife to watch my new HD-DVD of Forbidden Planet, but I don't think the Krell drew as much sympathy from her as they did from me. In theaters, you'll have to go all the way back to In Bruges, seen at my favorite Portland theater -- Cinemagic.

7) Irwin Allen’s finest hour?
Beyond the Poseidon Adventure, who else could come up with a sequel like that? "They go back into the ship, and there's plutonium onboard!"


8) What were the films where you would rather see the movie promised by the poster than the one that was actually made?
I've probably given this question more thought than all the others. One that stands out for me is the original poster and similar teaser trailer for The Fifth Element, which was simply a shot of space with "It Mu5t Be Found" on it and a date. The title wasn't even revealed, but it inspired a lot of intrigue. The movie was okay, but I was expecting a lot more after reading those four words on the poster.

9) Chow Yun-Fat or Tony Leung
Having recently watched the Infernal Affairs trilogy, I'll have to say Leung.


10) Most pretentious movie ever
I would actually say The Royal Tenenbaums. Like all of Wes Anderson's post-Bottle Rocket movies, it's a celebration of pretentiousness (pretentia?), and all the comedic potential it presents.

11) Favorite Russ Meyer movie
I'm utterly devoted to Beyond the Valley of the Dolls. If I had my choice, The Carrie Nations would play at my funeral.

12) Name the movie that you feel best reflects yourself, a movie you would recommend to an acquaintance that most accurately says, “This is me.”
I've said before that Holly Martins (Joseph Cotten) in The Third Man reminds me more of myself than any other movie character. I can't really put my finger on any one quality I share with him, but I see a lot of myself in the way he views the world and where he fits into it.

13) Marlene Dietrich or Greta Garbo
I honestly don't have too much of an opinion about either one, but Dietrich supplied one of my favorite lines: "What does it matter what you say about people?" (Touch of Evil).

14) Best movie snack? Most vile movie snack?
There's something comforting about the sound Raisinets make inside that movie theater box. You don't get it in a box anywhere else, and you really don't buy Raisinets anywhere but a theater. Most vile snack would have to be the movie theater nachos with awful nacho cheese and jalapenos. Gutter-quality nachos are bad enough to ruin a good movie.

15) Current movie star who would be most comfortable in the classic Hollywood studio system
Val Kilmer still looks like he could be a character in a classic film noir, and he obviously has great comedic chops. I'm sure he could have found himself a few (hundred) roles in the old studio system.

16) Fitzcarraldo—yes or no?
Yes! I didn't even realize this was a question. Not my favorite Herzog film, but a great cinematic achievement that still deserves to be marveled at.

17) Your assignment is to book the ultimate triple bill to inaugurate your own revival theater. What three movies will we see on opening night?
This would have to be three movies I would do anything to see on the big screen: Vertigo, Beyond the Valley of the Dolls, Point Blank.

18) What’s the name of your theater? (The all-time greatest answer to this question was once provided by Larry Aydlette, whose repertory cinema, the Demarest, is, I hope, still packing them in…)
The Screen.

19) Favorite Leo McCarey movie
Duck Soup

20) Most impressive debut performance by an actor/actress.
Since I saw it only recently, I'm going with Matt Dillon in Over the Edge. Dillon was 15 and discovered at his high school for the role, which was maybe the best of his career, and one of the most definitive in the late 70s/early 80s teen rebellion movies.

21) Biggest disappointment of the just-past summer movie season
See question 4.

22) Michelle Yeoh or Maggie Cheung
I'm getting killed by these actor A or B questions this time, another one I really don't have an opinion on.

23) 2008 inductee into the Academy of the Overrated
Though I haven't seen it (see question 4), it seems likely The Dark Knight will eventually be labeled "overrated" for how much praise it's received.

24) 2008 inductee into the Academy of the Underrated
I'll say In Bruges: it's the only 2008 movie I've seen this year, and I liked it.

25) Fritz the Cat—yes or no?
God yes, I'll even give thumbs up to the sequel.

26) Trevor Howard or Richard Todd
Trevor Howard played one of the Krypton elders in Superman: The Movie. Edge: Trevor Howard.

27) Antonioni once said, “I began taking liberties a long time ago; now it is standard practice for most directors to ignore the rules.” What filmmaker working today most fruitfully ignores the rules? What does ignoring the rules of cinema mean in 2008?
It's so easy for me to say David Lynch, he writes his own rules and we're just trying to keep up.

28) Favorite William Castle movie
Battle of Rogue River, I've never actually seen it, but I've traveled many miles of the Rogue and would love to see what locations he used for the movie.

29) Favorite ethnographically oriented movie
The Big Lebowski

30) What’s the movie coming up in 2008 you’re most looking forward to? Why?
Hmmm, what else is coming out this year? I'll say Miracle at Saint Anna.

31) What deceased director would you want to resurrect in order that she/he might make one more film?
It would be fascinating to see what Sergio Leone would offer up.

32) What director would you like to see, if not literally entombed, then at least go silent creatively?
Whoever those idiots are behind all the Epic/Disaster/Shitty Movies. Just enjoy your money and live a rich life without inflicting any more pain on this world.

33) Your first movie star crush
Meg Ryan, at the height of her cuteness in Innerspace.

Trailer vs. Trailer

Today I present two trailers for upcoming movies, one that surprised me at how good it looked and one that looks shockingly bad:

As a football fan, I usually find myself bitching about football movies, instead of trying to enjoy them. It's probably the same way with glass movers and car chase movies. There's always something with the football part of it that's enough to drive me crazy, and keep me from enjoying it. It's rare I find myself looking forward to a football movie, but that's exactly the case with The Express: The Ernie Davis Story. For college football fans, there's a lot to like here: the name (nice retro structure), an authentic CGI recreation of Syracuse's defunct Archbold Stadium, and the fact that it's based on Davis, one of history's greatest forgotten football stars. But what really pleases me is the way the movie's trailer is handled, that is they leave out any mention of Davis' tragic final chapter.

Davis was the first black player to win the Heisman Trophy, then tragically died from leukemia two years later, never playing a down of pro football. It would be easy to show in the trailer that the movie ends up being a weepie, but the images are all about action and Conquering Obstacles. In an age where all of Tropic Thunder's funny lines are put in the trailer, I find this refreshing.

Now for something completely revolting: Lakeview Terrace. This movie brings to the forefront the fear of many people: living next door to Samuel L. Jackson ... the cop ... who doesn't like interracial marriage. I can understand why this movie was made -- since 2008 was in fear of not having a Sam Jackson Screams movie, and the perils of interracial marriage is a topic everyone likes examining. Oh, and it's PG-13. Has it won you over yet? See if you can count how many lines in the trailer make you grit your teeth, I got 9 (my favorite: "I'm a cop, you have to do what I say!"). The scene with Jackson trying to cut down their trees looks promising.